The Voice in Your Head Isn't You. It's Becky.
And She's Not the Boss Anymore.
We all have a voice that tries to protect us by talking us out of anything uncomfortable. Mine? Her name is Becky.
Becky is loud. She's chatty. And she shows up at the worst times: before a high-stakes meeting, while trying on swimsuits, or about 30 seconds before I'm about to hit "publish" on a post like this one.
For years, Becky ran the show. She convinced me to play small in the name of safety. She told me that discomfort meant danger, that rejection was fatal, and that being visible wasn't worth the risk.
But here's the truth:
Becky is not brave. She is not wise. She is not even real.
She's a bundle of old fears and outdated scripts masquerading as logic. And the moment I started recognizing her (not as me, but as a tired internal protector) I took my power back.
Now, when Becky starts up, I smile, roll my eyes, and say, "Shut the fuck up, Becky."
Why We All Have a Becky
Here's what I've learned working with leaders and executives: Everyone has their version of Becky. She might go by different names (Roger, Helen, Catastrophe Carl) but she's there, whispering the same tired refrains.
"What if they think you're not qualified?"
"Maybe you should wait until you're more prepared."
"Remember what happened last time you took a risk?"
Research suggests the average person has about 60,000 thoughts per day, with 60–80% of them being negative.
But here's what's fascinating: Neuroscientists have discovered that this inner critic isn't actually part of your core identity. It's what Dr. Richard Schwartz calls an "internal family system," different parts of your psyche that developed to protect you, often in childhood, but are now running outdated software.
Your Becky was probably a lifesaver when you were seven and needed to avoid getting in trouble. But at 47, when you're trying to lead a team through a merger? She's not just unhelpful, she's sabotaging your success.
The Executive Becky Epidemic
In my coaching practice, I see this pattern everywhere. High-achieving leaders who can command a boardroom, negotiate million-dollar deals, and inspire teams to extraordinary performance, but can't quiet the voice that tells them they're not enough.
The statistics are staggering. A 2024 study by Korn Ferry found that 71% of US CEOs experience imposter syndrome symptoms in their role. These aren't entry-level employees questioning their abilities, these are people who've proven their competence repeatedly yet still struggle with internal doubt.
And it's getting worse. Research shows that senior executives (65%) are more likely than early-stage professionals (33%) to exhibit signs of imposter syndrome, according to the same Korn Ferry study. Why? Because the business world is changing faster than our internal operating systems can adapt.
Your Becky was built for a world where career paths were linear, where expertise took decades to develop, and where authority was clear-cut. Today's leaders operate in ambiguity, make decisions with incomplete information, and pivot strategies monthly. No wonder the Beckys are freaking out.
The Moment Everything Changed
I'll never forget the day I first named my Becky. I was preparing for a client meeting, something I'd done hundreds of times before, when that familiar voice started up:
"You don't have anything new to say."
"They'll see right through you."
"Remember that time you stumbled over your words?"
But instead of listening or fighting back, I paused. I imagined this voice as a separate person, anxious and well-meaning, but stuck in old patterns that no longer served me. And for some reason, the name "Becky" just popped into my head. It felt right, familiar, like naming that worried part of myself.
Suddenly, I could see her: overly cautious, still worried about things that happened in middle school, convinced that any risk would end in catastrophe (“Remember that time you got bangs?”). And I realized this isn't my wisest self talking. This is my scared self, and she doesn't get to make decisions anymore.
Cognitive defusion, a technique from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), is recognized as a powerful tool for behavioral change by many psychologists and coaches. When you can observe your internal dialogue rather than being consumed by it, you create space for choice.
What Happens When You Fire Becky
In my practice, I regularly see this breakthrough moment with clients across all industries and levels. The pattern is remarkably consistent: high-performing leaders who recognize that critical inner voice, give it a name, and suddenly realize it's not their wise self speaking.
Whether you name your inner critic "Perfectionist Patty" or "Helicopter Helen, the specific name doesn't matter. What matters is that moment of recognition when you realize this voice isn't you, it's just old programming trying to keep you safe.
The transformation that follows is profound. Watch as you start making bolder decisions, speaking up in meetings, setting boundaries, and taking on stretch assignments. You’ll stop second-guessing yourself and start trusting your experience and judgment.
The research backs this up. Dr. Ethan Kross, author of "Chatter: The Voice in Our Head," found that people who practice "psychological distancing", stepping back from their internal dialogue, show measurable improvements in decision-making, emotional regulation, and performance under pressure.
In my practice, I've seen this transformation happen again and again:
The CEO who stopped second-guessing every decision and saw his team's confidence soar
The executive who finally spoke up in meetings and became known for her strategic insights
The leader who set boundaries with toxic team members and created a culture of accountability
When you stop letting your internal Becky run the show, everything changes.
The Science of Silence
But here's what most people don't understand: the goal isn't to eliminate your inner critic entirely. That voice developed for good reasons, and sometimes it has valid concerns. The goal is to change your relationship with it.
Neuroscientist Dr. Judson Brewer's research on mindfulness and the brain shows that when we observe our thoughts without immediately reacting, we activate the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for executive function and rational decision-making. Meanwhile, the amygdala, our brain's alarm system, calms down.
In practical terms, this means that the simple act of noticing your Becky and naming her actually makes you a better leader. You become less reactive, more strategic, and more capable of thinking clearly under pressure.
Research supports that metacognition (thinking about thinking) can improve leadership performance and team satisfaction.
Your Becky Wants You to Stop Reading
Right now, as you're reading this, I'll bet your own version of Becky is chiming in:
"This is interesting, but it doesn't really apply to you."
"You don't have time for this touchy-feely stuff."
"Successful people don't need to work on their inner dialogue."
That's her, right there. Because here's what Becky fears most: that you'll realize you don't need her protection anymore. That you'll take risks, be visible, and possibly (GASP!) fail at something and survive it anyway.
But here's what I know after coaching leaders and executives who've made this shift: The most successful leaders aren't the ones who never fail. They're the ones who've learned to distinguish between their wisdom and their worry.
The Practice That Changes Everything
So how do you start? It's simpler than you think, but it requires consistency.
First, notice when that critical voice shows up. Don't fight it or analyze it, just observe it like you would a chatty passenger on a long flight. Interesting, maybe annoying, but not the pilot.
Second, give it a name. Make it slightly ridiculous or affectionate. This isn't about being mean to yourself, it's about creating psychological distance between you and that voice.
Third, thank your inner critic for trying to protect you, then make your decision from your adult, experienced, capable self. The part of you that's gotten this far despite Becky's constant warnings.
Research from Stanford's Graduate School of Business shows that executives who practice this kind of "cognitive flexibility" make better decisions, have higher job satisfaction, and inspire more confidence in their teams. The improvement is measurable within weeks.
The Ripple Effect
Here's the beautiful thing about doing this work: it doesn't just change you. It changes everyone around you.
When you stop leading from fear, your team feels it. They become more innovative, more willing to take calculated risks, more engaged. Research shows that leaders with greater psychological flexibility foster higher work engagement among their teams, explaining up to 17% of the variance in engagement scores even after accounting for stress and other factors.
When you model the courage to be imperfect, to learn from mistakes, to make decisions without complete certainty, you give others permission to do the same. You create what Harvard Business School calls "psychological safety", the foundation of high-performing teams.
Your Becky might be telling you that leadership means having all the answers, never showing doubt, always being "on." But the data shows the opposite: the most effective leaders are those who've learned to be human while still being decisive.
What Would You Do If Becky Wasn't Driving?
I want you to imagine something. Picture yourself six months from now, having made that shift. Your inner critic is still there, she always will be, but she's not in the driver's seat anymore.
What would you do differently? What conversation would you have? What opportunity would you pursue? What boundary would you set?
The International Coach Federation's research shows that people who engage in this kind of visualization exercise and then take action are 42% more likely to achieve their goals within a year.
Your Becky is probably chiming in right now, telling you this is unrealistic, that you don't have time for this work, that you should focus on "real" business challenges.
But here's the truth: Your relationship with your internal dialogue is your most important business challenge. It affects every decision you make, every relationship you build, every risk you take or avoid.
The question isn't whether you have time to work on this. The question is whether you can afford not to.
So tell me: if you could name the voice that holds you back, what would you call it? And what would you say the next time it tries to stop you?
Because the world needs leaders who operate from wisdom, not worry. Leaders who make decisions from courage, not fear. Leaders who've learned to smile at their inner Becky and say, "Shut the fuck up.”
The question is: are you ready to be one of them?
A quick note: No offense intended to the wonderful Beckys of the world! "Becky" just happened to be the name that popped into my head for my inner critic. Your own inner voice might be a "Derek" or a "Susan" or even an “Allison”! The name doesn't matter; what matters is recognizing it as separate from your wise, capable self.